I’m upset about my “second son” turning two.

Like some moms who have those best friends that have turned lifers, I have a second set of children. (4 under 4!...Well technically almost 5 in age) My “Second Son”, Little Man, was born almost exactly 6 months after Lime. They were supposed to grow up together and be best friends as soon as I found out that Baby Girl was who I thought she was, KM (Little Man’s mom) and I started planning their wedding.

I was devastated when I realized I wouldn’t be able to be there for Little Man’s first birthday.  Even though I did my own little party with cupcakes and happy birthday it wasn’t the same. I didn’t accept that life was moving on without me.

I still remember the day he was born. I was woken up by the normal 8 am text from KM, this time it wasn’t talking about Rah Rah but” WOW!! Little Man has dropped” I immediately got Lime and myself ready and headed over to see.  Later that afternoon of nothing out the norm, everyone loaded up to go to a birthday party for a friend’s daughter (who is almost exactly 6 months older than Lime) and enjoyed the party. I kept looking at KM expecting to witness the contractions. (I had been on watch for several weeks because just like my bio kids Little man wanted to escape early) Nothing happened, I was kind of bummed.  I was so excited to meet my baby boy, I didn’t want to wait to hold him or kiss him. After the party I went home and packed a little bag of my own, just in case. I was going to be staying with Rah Rah while Little man was born. I got the call about 9:00 “can you come and sit with KM while I get gas” After I got there it was “so we are going in”  That night I didn’t sleep, you see Rah Rah was born in about 8 hours and I was expecting even less this go round. I woke up about every two hours checking my phone. The next call didn’t come until 6 when Rah Rah was waking up. No baby. The next phone call was a little after 12:00 and I rushed there to meet my baby and made the nurses nervous. (They knew me from the escape attempt)

I have such a special connection with my Little Man, I was the first one to hold him besides his mommy and daddy, I’m the one who could comfort him when no one else could. I have the magical couch that when our little nap pirate showed up and Little Man refused to nap, he would fall right to sleep and slept for hours, (Always watched and someone sitting right to him) and he sends me text messages when he is able to steal his mommy’s phone. I have missed so much in his life that no mommy, no matter how you became the mom, should miss. I’m 3,000 miles away from my son, in this past year he has started, walking and really talking. I have missed him moving from his home to a brand new place and all the small moments in-between. I miss my son (and duh! My daughter)

Happy Birthday Little Man, I Love you SO much. 

I don't feel guilty

      With all these debates of natural birth vs. medicated/C-section or even breast vs. formula fed, no matter what you choose to do there is a great chance that you will feel the mom guilt; better known as the judgment of others.

      With my lime-a-kins, I planned on natural birth and breast feeding. The obvious choice for me, a somewhat of a crunchy person (hippie) reformed from a germ-o-phobic one. I was in active labor for 25 hours with no meds other than Pitocin, (Medicine to help induce contractions {water broke and not progressing}) after the first 12 hours. I pushed for over two hours and my little lime wasn’t coming. His head was stuck at a weird angle and pretty much stuck. I ended up asking for a c section I was exhausted and I couldn’t push any more. (My doctor was amazing and waited until I said something about the c section and even though it was passed the 24 hours of my water breaking-where the risk of infection really sets in.) Less than an hour later I had my sweet baby in this world; perfect healthy and weighing close to 10 pounds at a week early

      Well my birth plan went out the window but breast feeding you better believe it will happen…Nope. Lime was seriously traumatized in the hospital by a nurse who didn’t know what she was talking about. When he saw “the goods” he would immediately start screaming and would thrash around to where he wouldn’t latch, even when he was just the right amount of hungry. I wasn’t producing anything and with the stress of very little support and my son rejecting me, I gave up and gave him formula. He is two and half and has never been seriously sick; had a cold once, he is also very smart, no known allergies and besides being lactose intolerant he can eat anything he wants.

      Moving on to Baby girl, I had grand plans of a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section), that didn’t happen either. The hospital I chose wouldn’t do it; they were not equipped properly in case something happened. I was told I would have to drive two hours to a different city to have one. With no family for 3,000 miles, at the moment no friends close enough to be at my house in less than 20 minutes and really feeling good about my doctors I chose to stay with them. I didn’t get my VBAC but I could still totally breast feed. I did for a month, and after every feeding of exorcist vomiting (yeah it was that bad) and NO weight gain, or even staying the same weight. I found out sweet baby girl was also lactose intolerant, even to me (curse my bad genes). I now have a healthy and happy baby girl, not the shirking angry ball of furry I had; she also started sleeping.

      My kiddos are perfectly healthy and happy. I am not going to get into the “I should have done this instead” because frankly I don’t care what other moms say is best for MY kiddos; they are mine! Moms need to stop judging and start embracing different types of moms; it’s what makes the world go round. 

I don’t diet…

       It’s simple really, the easiest concept there is, which I will share with you in a little bit. I know most of you are thinking oh lucky her she isn’t “big boned” or “thick”  maybe you’re thinking that I had surgery to remove fat or the something to make my stomach smaller, or you might jump straight to thinking I have an eating disorder. Well, no you’re wrong. I just don’t eat (that much) processed foods.

       I see the post for Oreos baked into cupcakes, Doritos chicken bake, or one of the countless other recipes that call for loads of processed foods   and I can’t help but think to myself, when did we become a nation of processed foods? Was it my generation, the one before ours, or was it when the original TV dinner was introduced? When we did we become so “busy” with everyday life that we willing (in most cases-let’s be honest) gave up our health?

      If people would simply give up processed foods or at least the majority of them and spend a little more time in the kitchen making things from scratch, (yes, I talk about homemade all the time but guess what!! I don’t care.) And I’m not talking about crushing a bag of chips, adding a can of cream of chicken, cheese, and the chicken then sticking it in the oven. I mean, cutting up your veggies, marinating lean meats and instead of frying up “something yummy” bake, sauté, grill, broil, sear your steak or (some) fish, you can even boil it if that is to your liking.

       You shouldn’t be eating foods just because they taste good (we all do it, not going to lie about it…brownies are my weakness.) but because they are good for you too. I am proud to say that my go to “Easy meal” is a chicken stir fry with broccoli Cole slaw (in a bag yes) and my two year old eats it up! You will not see a bag of frozen chicken nuggets in my freezer or a crazy amount of chips in my pantry. 95% of the time my family eats clean, instead of chips for a snack we eat a handful of nuts or some vegetables or fruit. 

      We have gone  from eating NOTHING but processed foods with a few meats and veggies thrown in to “Be healthy”, I once ate 98% of a family size of Doritos I blamed my pregnancy craving and I “just couldn’t” help it. I have said everything you can think of as to why I eat the way I did, pregnancy cravings, I’m just too busy to cook a home cooked meal, or the kitchen is too small to enjoy cooking, to the extreme of eating only a handful of processed foods and nothing sugary or sweet even.

        I realized that I don’t  like the way I feel when I eat tons of processed foods, I’m lazy, tired, I can’t think clearly and my sleep is terrible ( I sleep better with a 7 month old who doesn’t sleep through the night then when I ate junk) . It even takes me longer to look “human” in the mornings, dry limp hair, dull looking skin, black circles from lack of good sleep.  I also don’t like depriving my body of foods that I love, such as brownies. I wasn’t very fun to be around without my sweet fix.

      For my family to happy, we made a life style change. Now that we are eating better in general with our just have to have it items, we are healthier and happier.

 I haven’t had a strict exercise routine since I’ve had baby girl. I know that I need to get off my bum and do it but I don’t want to, plain and simple. (My SIL would tell me that I would be doing it for my kids and that I need to get on it, you really should check out her  amazing blog! http://onefitmommaandababe.blogspot.com/) but I am amazed at the results of JUST eating right. And to prove it a picture of my bare belly, I do have stretch marks. I am also adding pictures of each pregancy s how I wasn't super small. 

barely 32 weeks pregnant with Lime.

                  Day before I had Baby Girl, 37 weeks pregnant. (I was a lot bigger with Lime at the same time)

                                             Just eating and drinking the right things make all the difference.

If I ever get brave enough I will post a picture of what I looked like with Lime-a-kins at the same time post pregnancy.

The day I said I do is my happiest day.

      I have been thinking about this for some time. Yes, when I had my little pirates I was happy, ecstatic even. (Well, after the pain medication kicked in… that sounded really bad. I had two c sections and once the pain hit WOWZA. It was over whelming.) I love my kiddos more than life its self. But the day I actually had them, not my happiest. I know I will offend some moms out there and I am okay with that. The day I got married is my happiest day.

      For one it’s the day that started the rest of my life. If I didn't say yes when I was asked to be Mrs. and if I didn’t go through with the wedding (never had second thoughts) I wouldn’t have MY two pirates. My wedding though actually a very scary day, with the hurricane season, and rain storms all week and the day before going on into the early morning, was very peaceful; the whole planning actually. It was a destination wedding of sorts and should have been difficult to plan. I was able to plan everything with one trip and a final trip about two months before the wedding to finalize everything. (I mean I made a few extra trips just because it was happening at a beach) The day of I was able to spend time with some of my favorite family members (who traveled 18 hours with 5 kids) and have breakfast with one of my bridesmaids who I didn’t get to spend that much time with. (She also met her future husband, a groomsman!) The day its self was perfect, it wasn’t raining and everything just flowed.

It wasn’t until after the “I do’s” that the storm of all storms hit. We literally just started the reception when the sky’s opened up and let loose. I didn’t notice, until my new Aunt walked over to me said. “Congratulations, you look beautiful, and look outside.” I love thunder storms and my grandma for some reason (passed away before I was out of High school) told me that if it rains on your wedding day then God is happy that you got married. To be truthful the power could have cut off and there be storm damage and I would still have been happy. Nothing could have changed my mood that day.

      One more reason my kiddos are a part of The Hubs. Lime has their family trait, annoy the one you love the most and though he doesn’t know a stranger like his mommy, he is quiet and likes to see how things work like daddy, he is thoughtful and he enjoys having days at home. He also loves to have his “man” time with daddy. While Baby girl, who already at six months is a lot like her daddy. She is quiet and reserved around new people, she knows what she wants and wants it then, as much as she can she feels out the situation and reacts accordingly.  Not to mention that she has the most amazing blue eyes just like her daddy.

      If I hadn’t married The Hubs, I wouldn’t have had our children. I have my two pirates because of the man that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. He is the reason that those two pirates that are sleeping like little angels up stairs are here. How could the day that I said “I do” not be the happiest? It’s the day that brought them to me, even if it was years and years away? 

My life is perfect.

       I wake up in the mornings to a shrieking little one with the calls of her people, translated it means “Mommy!!! Feed me women! And while you’re at it I am wet as well.” Not long after that I hear running around up stairs and trying to remember if I did in fact move the baby gate to block my door and to make sure the bathroom door is closed and still has the safety lock on. After a few minutes of little feet stomping around and more than one call up stairs, I get greeted not with a smile or a hug but with “Milk? Waffle? Yogurt?” It’s not until after the requested breakfast is in the “works” that I get my sweet good morning and hug. Throughout the day (sometimes for weeks or months), I am alone with my two little ones. Some days I need to take more than one shower because I have been pooped, peed, spit up, or drooled on, sometimes multiple fluids at one time. I cook, clean, drive, and entertain my family all the time, I am our event planner, packer, and get ready to go out person. (I can’t help it, The hubs has stopped trying to help unless I ask. He was told not to touch anything to many times) I take care of everything in our house and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

      What!?! That doesn’t sound glamorous? It probably doesn’t. This year I have decided that I will ONLY look at positive things about life and the “not so nice things” I can’t change I am looking past. I have so many things to be thankful for. I have a beautiful family that is just the way I pictured it, (a husband that takes care of me, a sweet son who is the eldest and an amazing daughter who is around two years younger). I have a vehicle that is safe and dependable, a roof over my head, and as long as I am able to make it to the grocery store, a fully stocked fridge and pantry, but most importantly, my sweet family is healthy.

      I am choosing to look past all the things that I can’t change; the middle of the night wake ups because sweet baby girl is hungry (yet again), or the CRAZY early wake ups, even that The Hubs doesn’t have a 9-5 job and isn't home every night. I am choosing to look at the good in my life. It’s only a few months into the year and even though there have been crazy moments (that I wish I could have curled up in a ball and hid under a blanket) I have been happier a lot happier and I believe a better person. The bad moments aren’t ones that I will remember in 5 years, I will ALWAYS remember the sweet hugs from the kiddos, the encouraging words from a friend (maybe not the exact words but how they made me feel), or the random moments where everything thing falls into place and for just a moment everything is perfect. 

I’m glad I married young

                My husband and I always joked we got married so I could have health insurance. (True story, the scariest 15 days of my life is when I didn’t have my insurance, I would have bet someone that I was going to end up in the hospital). It’s not true; we got married because we were/are madly in love. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 18. We got married five years later and have been insanely happy since 

       When I told people that we were engaged and planning the wedding for the next summer or fall, I got asked when I was due, or if the baby was going to be in the wedding. (The ones who did the math) I would usually answer with a funny little comment about not for at least five years (which I was pleasantly wrong about) or not unless they are time travelers. We didn’t get married because I was pregnant, rare I know for young marriages. We indeed got married because we didn’t want to be apart. We did the long distance thing and it really wasn’t for us. We already had limited together and we knew that we would eventually get married. So why not get married now?

       I have also been asked about all the “stuff” I missed in my twenties. I haven’t missed anything, I have had the late night talks with “my girls”, girlie weekends, staying out WAYYYYY to late with a few to many drinks. (Not super proud of that one) I lived in the posh apartment that I could barely afford right by downtown, fancy dinners, nice trips, I have had just the basics in the fridge (or nothing at all), and “splurged” on going to get Chinese takeout. Every rite of passage a twenty something should have I have dealt with, with one exception. I had my best friend and partner with me. He was right by my side the entire time, well other than when he was on a patrol. (For the non-sailors, on a boat in the middle of the sea) I didn’t have to worry when I would get married or if I would have children in my “prime years”.

       I was lucky enough to find the love of my life in high school, why would I want to wait to start my life with him? Everything that I have and grown to be is because of him. He was right by my side in my happiest moments of life, when we got married, the birth of my children, and moving to Oregon. (Yes, I am insane and living here has been my dream since I can remember) he has also been there through my saddest moments, a miscarriage, losing people that I love, even the worst year of my life. I have also been with him, in the hard moments. We have made it through everything that has been thrown at us, and we are stronger, happier, and more in love than when we said “I do”. 

Besides, I looked AMAZING that day! 

I’m okay being old fashioned.

       I was raised in the South, where sweet tea is the wine of choice, a dinner party isn’t complete until you have a dessert “that you just whipped together”, its nearly a sin to show up empty handed, and family dinner isn’t a once a week occurrence; it happens every night the family is together. Everything is a little old fashioned in one way or another.

        Before I got married, I had a completely different view on this, I planned on sharing the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, everything! As soon as I got married I wanted to “play house”.  I started doting on The Hubs, cooking, cleaning, and going out of my way to make life easier for him. I will admit I got tired of doing everything around the house, but 99% of the time I was happy doing everything. It wasn’t until after Lime came that I truly wanted to be “old fashioned”

       I want to raise my children knowing the traditional man and female roles. (Not that a women can’t keep her family and have a career or that men have to “bring home the bacon” they will see this too) It’s what has worked for my family and The hubs’ family. We the women are happy staying home with the children, raising them, molding them, and making sure we are  sending out the best little person we can into this world. (Once both Kiddos are in school, I will be working again)

        In this little world for our family, The Hubs is treated like a king, dinners cooked, drinks “fetched” house cleaned (NEVER spotless, and usually a pile or two of laundry) and most nights a back rub. BUT here is the catch; I am treated like a queen! I am actually appreciated, and told this! All the work I do is not for nothing, I know that my family appreciates everything I do for them. The Hubs, brings me special treats nothing fancy, just little things that he thinks I would like, Vanilla cream sodas, chocolate, coffee! And my favorite, Mommy crack! (Just a soda but it helps you get through the day, even though I know I shouldn’t drink them) Even to some extent the kiddos get it, Lime will come up give me a hug and kiss and say thank you, which could also be just because he is a lover not a fighter and his favorite word/phrase is thank you (Yes he is two and has better manners than some adults that I know). Baby Girl, will give me a super sweet smile and one of her death grip hugs, (only 5 month old I know that could choke someone out!)

        I know this life isn’t for everyone and I am not trying to “set back” women’s rights (and this next statement will really get some blood boiling) but I think the women of the 50’s were doing something right. They took care of their men and children (and looked good doing it!). I want to be that wife, mother, chauffer, nurse, chief, teacher, maid, I think you get the idea, I want to be able to be there for my family, and right now I wouldn’t be able to do that if I wasn’t “old fashioned” and stayed home.