Baby Girl will always be a sweet reminder

      Many years ago a really close friend of mine passed away, in the year before she passed we grew apart a little, different places in life (as different as you can get between middle and high school) but still could lean on each other. Our families were close though and we went to be with her family where the accident happened. I didn’t want to believe that it actually happened, even though the day and next few months to be truthful were a blur, I can remember asking at least 5 times how she was only to be crushed again and again. I didn’t fully accept it until her funeral; I don’t think anyone who knew and loved her did.

       She was the BEST person you can imagine, the biggest caring heart, talented, beautiful but didn’t know it, smart, if it was a good trait she had it. She was our Sunshine; she brought joy and happiness everywhere she went. She fought hard for what she believed in, her best friend was an elderly lady who lived in her neighborhood, and she never met a stranger; you were instantly a friend.  She was only on this earth for a short amount of time but in that time she touched more lives than you can imagine.  She was also wise beyond her years and always put other before herself.

       A little less than 12 years later, I found out I was pregnant, my due date at the end of the month that she passed away in. I was elated, but finding out the due date month brought everything flooding back. When I found out that baby girl was truly baby girl (physical proof not just knowing), I knew that she would be born early, and around that time of the accident, my forever reminder of my sweet Sunshine. I only told one person that I felt Baby girl would be early when I knew, later after I moved I told the Hubs. (When he wouldn’t be worried about traveling)  I pushed it out of my head and forced myself not to think about it. I focused, on the new life that I was creating, my sweet, sweet little girl and on moving.

       Well the months  flew by and after a few scares (of early arrivals) I was told that if anything happened after 37 weeks I would have Baby Girl. (37 weeks was just a few days before the date of the accident and I had no doubts when Baby girl would be here.) Well at 37 weeks and 1 day I went into labor. Which was the day before the accident, I didn’t even realize until I was alone in the hospital room, the hubs had taken Lime home and was waiting for my West Coast Bestie to get there. I tried to hold it together, I failed. I failed miserably; so badly that the nurse was concerned that I would have problems with Baby Girl’s birthday. (Like about to call the doctors to see what they could do) I was able to explain to the nurse through my tears a little about my Sunshine and what happen, also that I had a feeling that it would be today. She told me that our departed loved ones always have a way of letting us know they are still around. She couldn’t have been more right.

       When I held Baby girl in my arms immediately I felt at peace. More than a new mom that just had a baby (not trying to one up or anything bad, I guess you could say a different type peace) I knew that my Sunshine was there with us. I don’t strictly think there are spirits all around us all the time, but I do believe that people you had a strong connection to can send you messages and can be felt around you when you need them. I felt Sunshine when I held Baby Girl even though it was in the middle of the night. Baby Girl already has a ton of personality; a lot of it could be my Sunshine, just like her, when Baby Girl smiles it warms your heart and soul. When I look at my sweet Baby Girl, I will be reminded to put others first, fight with all you all your heart for something that you believe in, to laugh the little things off, along with some others that are just for me to know, but most importantly to love the life you are given.

       I feel so blessed to have Baby Girl’s birthday so close to that day, I know that my Sunshine is with us and will always be. I also think that Baby Girl and my Sunshine have a special connection, I am a horrible singer but when I sing “You are my Sunshine” she smiles and has started giving me a little chuckle like “Mom, you have no idea”  I am also blessed to know that well 99% sure that my Sunshine is Baby Girl’s guardian angel.  It has taken me over four months to be able to write this and one day when Baby Girl is old enough she will be able to read this and know why she has always felt like she has been protected.